When We Are Alone

Dear you

Tonight is long, stretching miles under the sky. I think it may last forever. That the sun will never rise, that I will forever be sitting here counting dead and long forgotten stars. Misting the air as each breath sails away upon the currents of a warmer place. 

Thoughts are different at these times. Nocturnal, when the predators come out to hunt. Its fitting at these hours that I can not escape my past. Memories are tricky creatures, welcome pets at times, others just vermin to be wiped out. They say cockroaches are the only living thing that will outlast man. I disagree, you haven’t stood within my mind and seen the shadows reside. They will survive, they will consume and move on. Memories, or parasites, one sides a blessing, the other a curse.

Forgetting would be to easy. Denying them there existence to difficult. Living with them a punishment. Tonight may last forever we will know eventually, but we will never know if our memories outlive ourselves.

Come on! Its round two and my hearts still beating. Throw your words, snarl at my unmoving commitment. You cannot defeat that which you do not accept. I still love you.

I am strong, I am pure, I am here to care. Use me, beat me, abuse me, but never dispose of me, not while there still is love.

Come on! This is our last dance, intricate patterns of words thrown as punches. No knock outs, no damage. Come on! I’m here for you.

I will never leave you.

I’m struggling again. Fighting desperately against the clawing demons within my mind. Struggling with life, with the shadow cast upon my reality. Darkness swallows everything, leaves nothing….. 

Beating fists and screaming voice, to tear against my throat. No reply, being alone is a blessing. Give me comfort and you receive insanity. Open these old scars and be consumed by the disease of my life.

Festering in the corner, sick and alone. Shadows dancing upon the waning light. Hope for tomorrow is exactly just that.

Will I ever see another sunrise?

Talk to me, tell me of the lights in the night sky. Lay softly spoken words across my mind. Take me with you on the journey of life.

Talk to me, tell me of the heavy beating of a heart. The subtle pains and all consuming drum of love. Whisper the words, send them upon the wind.

Talk to me, cradle me softly within the embrace of your voice.

Again you say you love me…

again I am only pushed further away

Where once they where dreams,

there is only ash.

Promises where meant forever,

not until the setting sun.

Once I held you,

now I grasp memories.

Never say you love me,

at least never,

until you remember…….

One life for a smile,

one heart for a kiss,

one love, forever yours.

Hay there girl, don’t you know I can see you. Through the crowds and silent stares. Standing still face masked by dark hair. Smile and brighten the world. Pull back the curtains and gaze on the life you live. I am here for you. By your side, hand in hand, heart within heart. I see you there, I see you for who you really are. A goddess, most divine. The warm radiance of beauty, hide it no longer. I will never hurt you. I will be your shield, your protector. Rely on me, lean on me, let my love lift you aloft. Hay there girl, don’t you know you are beautiful, and I will never forget your smile. Live forever in my heart.

Come on! Beat me down into the dirt, and I will rise. Clench your fists and rain down your wrath on my unguarded body. Let loose your rage. I will rise, I will never stay down. Beat me until my blood mingles with the tears upon my face. Look into my eyes as you punish me for your failures. Look and see within them only pity as I rise to meet you again, and again. You can never defeat me for I will never stop loving you. Rage on me for my unrelenting sympathy. No pain, no words can dissuade me. I will meet you always atop my feet. I will always embrace as you lash against your feelings. What ever you lay upon me could never be greater than your pain. I will rise, I will spill tears of love, I will embrace. Never shall I forsake you, even if I must share your pain.

You and I are broken, two halves of a single whole.

I am looking for. I am looking for, looking for…. I need something. I am always in need, always wanting.  Compulsive decisions driven by impulsive desires. What I want, What I need, what I want is unobtainable. For it only exists in my mind. It is indescribable, it is the essence of fulfilment. Something I crave. Something I need to fill the spaces. A taste, a smell, a sound, even a touch. It exists in everything, yet exists truly in nothing. Desire burns me to ash. Impulsive thoughts blow me into the winds. Compulsive decisions leave me scattered. I know its here, I know its there. I know I want it. I know I need it, but what is it. Other than the presence within my mind. Will it ever exists upon the earth, or remain trapped within the dreams of those who sleep with open eyes.